I’ve returned to a few old haunts in the last 48 hours and they’ve reminded me that the past (despite its bad rap) can pull you forward if you give it more than a sliver of chance.
Like a curious child who’s just discovered the versatility of wondering “Why?” the shadows will keep creeping in until, eventually, you can’t avoid them.
I’m the type of person who can only survive the day-to-day when there are things up ahead to look forward to. Vague, lofty ideals like a potential white wedding or children who will grow to resent me do not count.
The constant anxieties I’ve already been facing on a daily basis ramp up, increasing their volume just enough so that the struggle is noticeably worse. I’m not eating less now, only beating myself up more for what I do consume.
I continue to suspend the reality that inspirational quotes trend towards the cloying and the cliché, earnestly hoping that their repetition will pay off.
Exhaustion and indulgence do not make other people “bad,” so why must I color them that way for myself? This is what’s at my core these days, the question I can’t fully kick.
I’m of the mindset that everything happens for a reason, with the caveat of: if you search hard enough for that reason. So, I’ve been digging relentlessly to try to find one, looking inside myself with the hope that I’ll figure out what this little life hiccup wants to tell me/what I can learn. I’m realizing, instead, that I might just have to succumb to the reality that these epiphanies rarely happen right away.
The statement, style, and song that I’m obsessed with right now.
At a recent party, I noticed that five totally different women had gone the super neutral route with their outfits. Being me, I feel the need to explore it further–because a dress can never be just a dress, right?