Inspired by the post of the same name on The Cut, here are a few non-gifts I’d love to receive but probably won’t.
Talking about my love-hate relationship with gift guides, and what to do about the holiday season if you are basically b-r-o-k-e.
“Don’t stubbornly argue the difference between a typhoon and a hurricane (which is basically nothing) when you know jack shit about what you’re saying.” And more gems, after the jump…
“When someone is concerned about your well-being because you’re not being “cynical enough,” you should probably reevaluate your entire life.” And more real-talk-ridiculousness, after the jump.
Or, an exploration of why we continue to return to those bad apples of our eye who are blatantly terrible for us.
“Go back to never being spontaneous because you being spontaneous usually ends in disaster.” And more wise words from me to myself, after the jump…
“Write an ode to your dermatologist who essentially saved your life by viciously attacking your face.” And more real-talk-ridiculousness, after the jump.
Similar to a near-death experience, my dating life flashed before my eyes. This, I concluded, was my sexual rock bottom.
“Do not allow yourself to have any guilty pleasures even tangentially related to Miley Cyrus. You would be welcoming toxicity with open arms.”