I’ve returned to a few old haunts in the last 48 hours and they’ve reminded me that the past (despite its bad rap) can pull you forward if you give it more than a sliver of chance.
I’m not at all in-tune with what my gut actually wants and craves, whether that be to indulge in something sweet or something more complex.
My mind floods with thoughts of how much BETTER everyone around me is eating, how they’re saintly nibbling chia seeds, or “running off” their indulgences with 10ks, or going completely raw (#ugh).
A list of things that are “not hot, not not, just meh.” Today’s roundup incudes: Allison Williams, long TV show intros and Sriracha-flavored beer.
The constant anxieties I’ve already been facing on a daily basis ramp up, increasing their volume just enough so that the struggle is noticeably worse. I’m not eating less now, only beating myself up more for what I do consume.
“The fashion world can be fickle, so build something solid in parallel and enjoy it while it lasts!” Talking to the uber-inspirational Elettra Wiedemann about how she juggles such different roles, and what keeps her motivated throughout it all.
Traveling with an eating disorder—whether you’re in the thick of it, in recovery, or consider yourself recovered—is a loaded move. While non-ED-afflicted humans rejoice in the opportunity to let loose, indulge endlessly, and take a break from the treadmill, I find myself panicking for weeks (if not months) beforehand.
“If you want to maintain some level of not-being-a-fucking-loser, best not to admit how often “Fuck with me you know I got it” plays in your head. Except right now, right now it’s okay.” And more gems, after le jump!
Food is our first experience of love and comfort—quite literally, as we immediately bond with our mothers via breastfeeding or the like. I was once fully capable of feeding myself in a ‘normal’ manner, but then somewhere along the way I started to see myself as less deserving of that nourishment—which is to say, less deserving of love.