Inspired by McSweeney’s Lists series.

1. He liked one of your Instagram photos in the last 24 hours.
2. He liked one of your Instagram photos in the last 48 hours.
3. He liked an Instagram photo that you also liked in the last 24-48 hours.
4. He hasn’t even been on Instagram today.
5. He’s a “feminist” but he still paid for your drinks.
6. He didn’t pay for your drinks because he’s a “feminist.”
7. He’s a bad texter.
8. He’s waiting for you to text first (because he’s a “feminist”).
9. He doesn’t have an iPhone.
10. He’s playing hard to get.
11. He’s playing hard to get because he’s intimidated by you.
12. He’s playing hard to get because remember that story he told you about his mom?
13. He works for a start-up.
14. He works in finance.
15. He works for a financial start-up.
16. He watched the Snapchat story you just posted.
17. He watches every single one of your Snapchat stories.
18. He doesn’t even have Snapchat.
19. He’s probably going through a lot right now.
20. He sent you a gif of Shia LaBoeuf crying and told you he’s going through a lot right now.
21. He included a gif.