I think most of us are guilty of letting whole years pass by un-checked, especially when we’re still quite young and life seems infinite. Sure, many of us make brief resolutions around New Year’s, but as everyone knows they’re often fleeting.
One of the things that prompted my decision to revisit full health was the reality that I’m turning twenty-four next month, on January 7th. “How many years have I devoted to this disease?” I asked myself, realizing that it’s been over four years and clearly counting. Sure, there were wonderful moments during that time, and some in which I was close to health, but the overwhelming picture is one of me consumed by weight, exercise and controlled eating.
And what have been the rewards of that behavior? Other than the false sense of control that was never consistent anyways, there are none. I have been lucky to keep up my friendships throughout it all—but they’ve suffered in small ways, nonetheless. Not their strength, necessarily, but the amount of time I spend with my friends and the quality of that time. Dinners are a rarity when they used to be an exciting common ground. I’ve also grown socially lazy, the result of depleted energy from malnutrition and excessive exercise.
I’ve been eating well for a week and already I look and feel better: less strained, less uptight, less insane. I want 2015 to look that way when I reflect on it—warm, fun, laidback—rather than being another beige landscape with an undercurrent of crazy that leaves me feeling hollow and unsure.
But re-assessing is something we should all do, eating disorder/addiction or not. It seems trite and corny but if we do it honestly, I don’t think it is. One of my favorite websites is Into Mind, which is all about living a simpler, more mindful life—and no, not by way of green juice or Soul Cycle. It has wonderful tips for streamlining all your extra crap, both mental and physical, and in light of the New Year, they’ve posted a Year in Review Questionnaire for people to answer. Questions include “Which mental block(s) did you overcome?” and “What new habits did you cultivate?” For most questions, I don’t have a lot to say—nothing healthy, at least. I would like to end 2015 having more answers. Perhaps you would too, and if so, I definitely recommend checking out.
The last part includes questions for the coming year, and those I can certainly answer. Here they are below, complete with my current hopes for 2015…
What do you want the overarching theme for your 2015 to be? Self-love.
What do you want to see, discover, explore? Anything new—I simply want to honor my curiosity and act on it, which I haven’t been doing wholeheartedly for a long time.
Who do you want to spend more time with in 2015? My close friends.
What skills do you want to learn, improve or master? Yoga, meditation and cooking!
Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen? My fun side–it’s there, I swear. Also I want to get back to being the determined, hard-worker I once was.
What do you want your everyday life to be like? Varied but peaceful. Not too habitual.
Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of? Get rid of restrictive eating and exercise-as-purge. Cultivate different coping mechanisms for stress and feeling shitty about my body.
What do you want to achieve career-wise? A clearer sense of what I want to do with my writing and, ideally, a job that I enjoy.
How do you want to remember the year 2015 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now? I want to remember it as the year that changed my path for the better—that got me back on board with health. I want it to be a turning point, and one filled with positive transformation.
What is your number one goal for 2015? To love myself and my body, and in doing so, be more outwardly loving towards others.